My unabashed apology and love letter…

I wasn’t too sure what to do to this post, but I was sure I wasn’t going to delete it. So here goes the editing!! This is history. Sad, but poof.

“Baby,

My heart, my lover, the one that makes my heart beat, the only one I dream about right now and means the whole world to me…

Errmm…honestly, I dnt know how to go about this…truth is I miss you. I am not goin to say sorry. ‘Cos I am not sorry, rather, you are tired of hearing me say ‘I am sorry’, so i will skip that…

I want you to know I appreciate you. I want you to know that yes, I recognize, accept and take responsibility for taking you for granted. You have been nice, caring, good, but my insecurity has caused me to push you away and caused me to loose you…and it breaks my heart to pieces. I know I have always wanted the perfect man, I know I have always believed I am the best thing to happen to any man when indeed my flaws are numerous and actually starring people in the face. Now I know better.

I know I have hurt you. I know I hurt you. I know it took a whole lot to bring you out of your shell, and now all I have done is turn around to do all the things I said I wouldn’t do.

I have happiness in and with you. My time with you has been very sweet and fulfilling, I don’t want to loose you, I am most scared to loose you…these last days have been crazy for me and you know it. Baby, heartthrob, lover, bestfriend, ‘obi’m', sweetie pie, honey-bum,  I am sorry and I wont give you drama again.

I will believe all that you say, I will trust you- for what is a relationship without trust anyway?? I will accept you for you. Its taking a lot from me to understand that you can’t be perfect, but now I have accepted fully that you are not perfect. You are you, only human, like me, with flaws et al.

I am sorry as well for trying to get at my past through you. I know I keep blaming it on a certain past and that is so annoying, seeming like I won’t ever grow and stop the ‘scroin scroin’…but I am willing and have actually let go(in Jesus’ name) of my past. I will bury my fears, insecurities and distrust in the hope that we will get through this together…

I can’t call you, can’t email you, can’t try to chat you up ‘cos I dread what I will hear. I fear the rejection that I am certain is to come…

For all its worth, for all its ever worth, I am sorry, sorry cos this relationship means so much to me…so I am laying down all of my pride, arrogance, ego, shakara, name it, to say: Talk to me, I am tired. Pleeaase I don’t know how else to tell you, that is why I am coming to the World Wide Web to say this to you…

I LOVE YOU, and deeply too…“

This relationship ended, but i have decided to let this post stay.