Men

I am struggling with the words that will help me express my thoughts and feeling adequately in this post. I hope I am able to paint the picture properly and pass my message across like I feel. I wonder, and this is no diss to anybody in particular o, but I wonder if there are sill real men out there. At this point, I pause and go to dictionary.com, just to be sure I know what I am talking about, and discovers that there are over 30 definitions of MAN, so I no go bother to try define wetin man be again. Anyways, I am going to try to describe what I am talking about here. A man is a male, the opposite of a woman, both biologically and otherwise (make sense??!!).

I have issues with men. I have issues with the ones I meet, let me not commit the fallacy if hasty generalization. I don’t understand them or what they want. My greatest desire right now is to be able to read the minds of men, maybe that way I can tell what they are wired of! I mean where do you put a man who is engeged to a woman and they are both preparing for their wedding, suddenly springs up one day and says some other girl is pregnant for him, and it was a mistake it happened in the first place so…So wetin?? Ehn, so make wetin happen?? just like that o, heart don break, supposed happy home in the making don disintegrate. I know at this point some of you would say the (my) problem is where I meet “these” men, but let me be quick to answer you that I meet them in all places o, name it… the office, in the store, at social gatherings, in church, all sorts of places, so I am talking about an average guy on the street now.

I have a number of guy acquaintances in my life right now, and it baffles me to death the way they think. I mean how do you expect a guy asking me out, and trying to win my heart, trying to convince me I am his all in all, ask me if I like kissing and if yes does it turn me on??!! I think that is sick. To the guy now he is being honest abi what?? What message is he trying to pass across to me?! and the funny thing is I was beginning to like the guy o, on that one I rest my case.

The one wey wan kill me die na this guy wey I meet for church o…ok guy, good spoken English, make sense kind of guy from appearances but…make I never judge am yet. We just hit it off cos that day it was an invited guest speaking and she was talking on how to make marriage work. We both are single so we were sharing opinions and all, long and short we turn paddys come dey call each other o. The conversations were really going on well and we were …u kno, nothing o, but make sense conversations… sha 2 weeks into the meeting, na im bros tell me make I come im house on saturday, sleep over make we for go church together on sunday o. I weak. I just bow for the guy, I thought he was joking o, until he started goin on about it, that he is very serious, and can’t he host me??!! Host me??!! Ha,  am asking now o, all you men out there, is that normal?…you meet a girl and two weeks after you met you are asking her to come sleep over already?? Tell me if something no wrong somewhere. Why do men make it difficult for women to trust them?? Why do they make it difficult for ME to trust them? na wa o.

I beg to know what all these is about, I beg to know if there are men that are sincere and don’t have ulterior motives each time they open their mouths to talk to women. Must you sample any woman that comes your way?? believeing that the chick outside is better than the one you are with, truth is, the grass always look greener on the other side but it is not necessarily so. I beg to know if there are guys that want what most women want which is respect, a good home, a dependable spouse, trust, etc??? Are there men that want these things and if yes where are they?? Cos na wetin me I dey find be that, and all the people wey I dey see just dey fall my hand.

10 Months

Its been 10 months!! 10 months of activities, events, all sorts, most of which I haven’t even understood my own innermost thoughts. Months of tired of living with myself  ’cause of lack of understanding and comprehension of who I am.

Its been 10 months the last of which so many things have happened…crazy and beautiful things… ‘would have used the words good and bad but I am of the understanding that things just don’t happen, especially to a child of God. Bad things are good in themselves, we just have to understand the purpose for which they happen and know that all things work together for our good.

In that line I will say some crazy things have happened to me recently that I have needed grace and divine understanding to handle, it hasn’t been easy, not at all. There have been times when I fought God! yes physically,
verbally… quarreled with Him cause things were happening to me that Him and I did not plan together, it just wasn’t adding up. I was heartbroken and it was God who had broken my heart. I struggled with my self, with my faith and everything I believed in, I backslided, I sinned, I went mad, all in the name of lack of understanding.

As much as I wish to write here all the things that have happened in the last 10 months, I will dwell consciously on the positive….the last 10 months have seen me through NYSC, change of jobs…resigned from my former place of work without any plan but gainfully employed right now in a company I love. Took a wonderful trip outside the country to relax when it seemed like things were heating up too much for me , started a business of my own, met wonderful people who are imparting greatly in my life right now. I could go on and on. At this juncture, I am sure you start to wonder what wrong, well that is a story for another day.

As for my absence on my blog, its not like I have not had the urge to write in the last 10 months, write about my hurt, my triumphs, my opinions, my innermost thoughts, but I would have been biased, I would have written wrong things and I don’t want to mislead anyone, ’cause reality is people tend to store in them things they believe are interesting, and interesting things are not necessarily right things.

In all, what I am trying to say is I am back. Back to writing again on my blog, my innermost thoughts…so help me God.

Vengeance

That is a very strong you must say.

The question is have you ever felt the urge to revenge something, it could be a spouse’s cheating on you, a friend’s betrayal and so many more hurtful things done to you. Today I am writing about Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and his Zanu-PF followers. Now there are talks going on about the ruling party Mugabe’s Zanu-PF and the opposition party, Tvsangirai’s MDC party ruling Zimbabwe together. My question is after all the killings and intimidations and beatings and raping and bullying and burning of houses of the MDC party supporters by Mugabe’s militants, what happens? Are they just going to come together like it was meant to be and just rule the people (assuming the peace talk is successful)? Will people ever recover from their past hurts without a need to kill the person that burnt down their house, raped them and killed their brothers or fathers?

How do people get over betrayals and hurts without meting it out back on the person that hurt them? What and how do they feel when they see the the perpetrator? I am asking these questions not because I have never been hurt before but I know that even with the very little hurtful things that people do to me, I have the urge to make them want to feel the same back, so I am wondering how you can forgive the person that killed your brother without planning on how to kill him too.

This post is not a catalyst for people to go about revenging o, its just me thinking aloud, don’t forget its my innermost thoughts you are privileged to read. As I chose this topic, a passage came to my head-Hebrews 10:30 : For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. Vengeance belongs to God almighty. This is so consoling, for those of us who believe in God, He says that we should not worry, He has our backs. Here are other verses that will console you if you are hurting and dying to have vengeance on the person or people who hurt you, like I will say to my brothers in Zimbabwe.

Deuteronomy 32:35
To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.

Jeremiah 51:36
Therefore thus saith the LORD; Behold, I will plead thy cause, and take vengeance for thee; and I will dry up her(those that killed your brothers and raped your land) sea, and make her springs dry.

Romans 12:19
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Weddings…Marriage

I was at Abeokuta this weekend for a friend’s wedding. It was great. The bride(Fisayo) and I have been friends for years. We were both in spirit of David together in the university, lived in the same house in and smoked garri together when we were both broke. She is a sister. We were together for each other…through good and bad and crazy times. It was one of those crazy times we were discussing about relationships and she was lamenting on how much she wished she had a man in her life. I was done with her whining so I told her to shut up but with a plan in my mind. Days after she received a call from a friend of mine…a guy. He also was looking for a woman to call his! I thought they both deserved themselves so I hooked them up!

Four years later Taiwo the guy took my friend down the Isle and knotted the tie or is tie the knot. I was elated. I was so happy for my friend. For me it was an achievement to have people you match made really get married. I couldn’t help the tears flowing down my face as I looked at my friend’s joyous face on the day of her engagement. She was so glad and now I am sure that no matter what I have done something great in my life I have achieved something in life!

I pray for you my friends Fisayo and Taiwo that this is just the beginning of the great things God has set out to do in your lives. Be blessed and have a wonderful married life.

What’s that?!

What would have become of me?

I had a strange experience last week Wednesday morning and I’ve been contemplating blogging about it. I decided to. As I waited at the bus stop eager and aware that I was late for work I rushed into the next available vehicle to stop at the bus stop. Usually I take buses, but this car came along with 3 passengers in it already, so I struggled with a man to enter the cab and I succeeded. There was a young chap seating in front and a young man and woman seated at the back with me. Along the way the driver asked for his fare and we all paid, the woman was the last person to pay and she gave the driver 50 naira instead of the agreed 60 naira claiming she didn’t have more than that. The driver stopped the car and went to the boot to get her things out of his car. The woman begged and driver came back into the car and continued the journey. As we were going he asked the woman what she has in the carton in the booth, the woman replied saying she has pampers in the boot…meanwhile we were approaching a checkpoint. The driver asked again getting agitated and telling the woman not to play smart on him, when we asked what the problem was, he claimed the woman has a carton of money in his boot and claims its pampers and if not that he went to offload her goods he would not have found out. Considering the checkpoint ahead, he wasn’t finding it funny at all. The guy in front then made a statement-’is money now contraband that a police checkpoint would be an issue’? I responded to the guy’s silly remark saying that with the way the Nigerian Police handle matters, you do not want to know if a carton of dollars is contraband or not and even if money isn’t contraband, it is the right of the driver to know what he is carrying in his car so he can defend it where ever if he has to. As that argument was going on the woman spoke up begging us not to expose her claiming she is a prostitute. At that point my interest was piqued ’cause I have this thing for rehabilitating prostitutes, immediately, I was already formulating possible ways to start a conversation with her. Her story goes thus: “Abeg make una no expoes me, I be prostitute before before but I meet this malam wey tell me say if I leave ‘ashawo’ work im go marry me. I don dey with am now for 3 years but im travel and just come back from Saudi Arabia with some white men. Yesterday im tell me make I go dress im guest room for the  white men and say make I use my body entertain them, say e no matter since na wetin I dey do before. I agree and the white men do me, come say make I do with their dog make them camera me. I gree, na im them give me 500,000 dollars. Abeg make una help me, make una no expose me abeg”…..WHAT’S THAT?!

Omo when I heard that I was angry. I was angry with her for stooping so low to that level and for being dumb enough to expose herself like that in public. I didn’t understand why she was telling us all that and what she meant by “abeg help me” considering that at that point we were no threats to her. When she finished with her story, the driver parked the car and told us to get down that in his village it is a taboo for a man’s eyes to see goodies and his mouth not partake of it! WHAT’S THAT?! I was struggling to understand what he was saying, when the passenger beside me asked what exactly he meant. He replied saying we all should get down that he wants to take the woman where he can drop her safely and take his own share of the money. The man beside me exclaimed saying that was impossible ’cause the driver could harm the lady and take all the money for himself and even if that doesn’t happen we all (passengers) deserve some of the money too ’cause if it was a bomb that was in the car and it exploded, then we all would have died so we are all going with the driver and lady to share the money WHAT’S THAT?!!!!!!! Who made him our decision maker? I couldn’t help laughing out. It was then it all dawned on me. They were a gang looking for either whom to abduct or swindle. At that point I told the driver to pack the car, demanded for my fare that I had payed him already and wished them all the luck in the world sharing the hundreds of thousands of dollars in the boot. Luckily for me and all praises to God they dropped me without any hassles feigning surprise at my decision not to go with them. I was so grateful to God ’cause it could have been another story from the one I am telling now. What if they lock the car doors and spray some gas to make me unconscious and abduct me any way or…I don’t even want to think about it.

Thinking about it now, I am thinking…what if I was greedy enough to want to share some thousands of dollars that I did not even set my eyes on, would it be dollars that was paid to a fellow woman like myself for sleeping with a dog? Jeeeeeezzzz, I have goose bumps on my body just thinking about it sef! I thank God o pips, I really do.

WETIN BE THAT?! JUST LIKE THAT THEM WAN CARRY ME GO SHARE IMAGINARY DOLLARS, I THANK GOD SAY I KNOW GREEDY, I FOR JUST FALL!!!

NUT Strike

Straight from the archives! The result of teachers’ strike!! If it can happen there, it can surely happen here o.

The above picture was sent to my box and is supposed to be a joke. Some days ago, I was watching on channels news, the march of the National Union of Teachers and decided to blog about it. Little did I know that this would be sent to my box. It seems like a joke now and I am laughing out myself but guys its not funny. Its the future of the country that we are  joking about like this o. These kids are at home and every second that passes without them going to school they are loosing vital lessons and are behind their peers in other spheres. Remember the saying that says time lost can never be recovered, these kids are loosing so much.

As much as I hate to admit this I do not even know what the strike is about. I have heard all sorts. All I am saying is please what ever needs to be done, let us do. If they want salary increase then let us increase it. In fact I think teachers should earn the highest in the country, they are the foundation layers of the development of the nation. These are the people that spend most time with the children, much more than the parents if you ask me. They have the responsibility to educate them of and inculcate values that will move the kids far in life so why not pay them in hundreds of thousands? I don’t know of any one who wants to go into the teaching line because of the peanuts the teachers are paid. My mom is a teacher and a lot of times I wonder what would have become of us if we did not have a father, I mean imagine if she is the only one training us, how far would she be able to go with 40,000 per month with 2 children in the university, paying rent and bills, feeding us etc. They really deserve a raise.

What I do not agree with however is all states paying a uniform salary which is one of the things  I heard they are also fighting for. How that is possible I don’t know. I do not think its right though ’cause different states get different revenues, also the cost of living differ per state. One can not compare the cost of living in Lagos, or Port Harcourt to one in Osun or Nasarawa  or even kogi state. That, I do not agree with.

Let us not take this strike lightly, each day that passes without this kids going to school, we are a day backward in the progress of the world. That is how I see it. We have a lot to learn, there are institutes to learn them but there are no teachers…that doesn’t sound right at all. Let us come together to build this nation, let us be more concerned about the education system in Nigeria

What goes around…

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you.

He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole
life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The
lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan .

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is
what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”

Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the
money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Every thing’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”

Hmn, I’m sure at one point or the other you might have seen this online. A good friend sent it to me and since what goes around comes around, I decided to share with you. Be good and be your neighbors keeper.

How could I forget?

How could I possibly forget it? In just one split second of panic, I forgot the covenant I have with God. As I was dressing up this morning for work, I heard my mom scream my name, and my dad’s name. I quickly rushed to her room and upon enquiry she explained that neighbors had been trying to get to my dad but he is locked up in he house and refused to pick his calls. My dad lives in Abuja. He works there so he shares an apartment with his younger brother. Apparently, he had an appointment for 8 am and when his colleague came to pick him up for it, his door was locked and he could not be reached. The neighbors called my mom immediately, now the reason I don’t know ’cause in case of any tragedy, the immediate family is usaully the last to know especially the wife. Well in this case, my mom was called and told that the door would be broken down.

When I heard all these, different images flashed through my mind. I remembered a story I read in the papers of a whole family of 6 that was wiped out because of a generate set that was put in the house minutes after it was off.  The fumes from the set killed them all. I imagined it was food poisoning from their dinner and they had both died in their sleep. Pips, I imagined all sorts of things. I burst into tears and ran out of the house then ran back to get my phone and outside again, all the while thinking who will walk me down the aisle? Who will hold my mom’s hands when we the children all marry and leave the house? Who will talk sense into my  brothers and I when we stress my mom like we always do? Who will I go to for fatherly advice and be sure the person will give it truthfully and lovingly no matter how disappointing the issue? I just kept crying, then I remembered my boss, the one I was still making wedding plans with just the day before and realized my dad can’t just die like that. He must be there for me till the end. I remembered that I have a covenant with God that I shall not hear any bad news pertaining my family and friends, I remembered that His goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and that at the end of today I would have a good report because it is the day that the lord had made.

Quickly I dialed my boss and mentor and told him what was happening but that my faith wasn’t strong enough so he should join his with mine that they will not find my dad’s dead body in the house upon breaking the door. After waiting for what seemed like years, my mom’s phone rang and it was my dad on the phone, my mom picked it and started shouting and raking for my dad for making her go through such trauma,  at that point I collected the phone and unbelievably calmly I asked him what happened. He explained saying he’d been up working till 2 am( I know that much, he is on a panel investigating a fraud so he works late) was fagged out, overslept and did not hear his phone ring. Asking of my uncle’s, he said his phone was left in the sitting room and did not hear it ring also. I was so relieved and tears kept streaming down my face.

I cried not only because of the thought of loosing my dad but also because I failed God. How could I think that at this hour He would just let my dad die after every thing we(God & 1) had talked about. I am so grateful my dad is still alive and really sorry to God that I forgot His plans for me…that they are of good and not of evil…

God I am so sorry.

Feminism

I think I am a feminist!

Yea I think so…now that depends on what your definition of feminism is.

According to Wikipedia, Feminism is a discourse that involves various movements, theories and philosophies which are concerned with the issue of gender difference, that advocate equality for women, and that campaign for women’s rights and interests. So you can say I am a feminist, I campaign o, but not like carrying placard about! just that in every discussion I have the opportunity to be a part of, I do not hesitate to say that men are no different from women in terms of IQ, status, achievements, rights etc, just that their genetic make ups are different. Also I get so very angry when women are relegated to the back in some discussions claiming they are not intelligent enough or…you know, these guys will always find excuses. What gets me mad the most is when a woman is driving especially in Nigeria, and she makes a mistake or makes a daring move, you hear remarks such as…”aaaaaahhhhhh, na woman” gosh how that grates my ears. I really could slap any body even a woman that says that near me. What I don’t understand is what it means. I drive and I know that anybody can make a mistake but when each time any woman makes a mistake you blame it on her gender, I think that is very dumb.

In my discussions on feminism, I have heard all sorts ranging from “that is so true” to “women really can not be compared to men” to “its a man’s world, women can’t win the fight” to “feminism is not biblical so its not Godly and right” etc. Its so amusing. Helloooooo I am a Christian, and a born again one at that. I believe strongly in the bible and any principle not based on the bible will not work. The bible did not say women should be trampled upon and if I remember correctly feminism started when women decided to speak up about ill treatment from men under the pretext of-You were created to serve me(leaving the help out of it), you are to submit to me as the bible commands therefore I am superior to you . A wife’s or woman’s submission has nothing to do with being inferior or unintelligent. Every person on earth has to submit to someone or some thing, so don’t make ours(women more burdensome). Men submit to their authorities. Women submit to theirs. What’s the big deal? . Biblical submission is not about tyrannical overlords forcing their underlings to kow-tow. It is all about Christ and His Bride, and that picture is one of beauty, love, tenderness, protection, and mutual honor. So what has trying to prove these points got to do with not being biblical or not submitting. You all will agree with me that this patriarchy thing has so taken over the world that women are just used as tools to get things done and means to ends i.e baby making machines as some will put it. Just put her at home to clean the house, cook for you and make babies…so shallow.

What feminism really is about is raising questions such as -”why stone only the woman to death when both she and the man committed adultery or fornication as the case may be in places like Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan?” “Why see a woman as impure because she is on her menstruation and therefore ban her from being at some places?” “Why do people claim a woman has slept her way through to the top because there is no way a woman can be better than a man?” I still find all these baffling.

Even as I write this, there are people around me who ask if I am sure of what I am saying and writing… women o. Look ladies, no one is telling you not to respect your husband or cook for him or to be all career and not care for your homes. What feminists are saying is God has called you to be the best you can be so don’t let any situation or ideology or persons tell you otherwise. If a man can be president so can a woman. The fact that the bible tells you to be submissive does not mean you should be a door mat. Ever read proverbs 31:10-31? What did the bible say of a virtuous woman? She must be industrious, she must be smart, she must be intelligent, she must be hardworking, She must take time to look good( verse 22). Please pay close attention to verse 14, go ahead to verse 16. Does that woman sound like someone who settles for anything that is thrown her way and just goes along with every thing cause she is supposed to be submissive. She regards her husband, has a mind of her own and makes good decisions with it. All feminists ask for is to be seen as human beings and not items, to be believed in and have confidence in. Not to be told we can’t go to school because our place is in the kitchen cooking and tending to the buttons that fall off our husband’s clothes is our life calling. Tell me if that is all, if we can ever be the virtuous woman God wants us to be.

I understand that there are fanatics and extremists. People who take things too far and fight for things they don’t even understand. Yes there are people who have given wrong meaning to the words feminist and feminism. All feminism stands for is to see women as equals as men, of course not genetically and biologically but sure not to be treated as inferior. Is that too much to ask?

I am a feminist and I am proud to be….any questions?

Laugh it off!

For a very serious monday morning, I think this is not bad to start the day with. Enjoy.

Tech support: “may I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

Tech support:”What sort of trouble?”

Woman: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

Tech support: “Went away?”

Woman: “They disappeared.”

Tech support: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”

Woman: “Nothing.”

Tech support: “Nothing?”

Woman: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

Tech support: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”

Woman: “How do I tell?”

Tech support: “Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?”

Woman: “What’s a sea-prompt?”

Tech support: “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”

Woman: “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”

Tech support: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”

Woman: “What’s a monitor?”

Tech support: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”

Woman: “I don’t know.”

Tech support: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
Can you see that?”

Woman: …..”Yes, I think so.”

Tech support: “Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”

Woman: …..”Yes, it is.”

Tech support: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not just one?”

Woman: “No.”

Tech support: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”

Woman: …..”Okay, here it is.”

Tech support: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”

Woman: “I can’t reach it.”

Tech support: “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”

Woman: “No.”

Tech support: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”

Woman: “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.”

Tech support: “Dark?”

Woman: “Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”

Tech support: “Well, turn on the office light then.”

Woman: “I can’t.”

Tech support: “No? Why not?”

Woman: “Because there’s a power outage.”

Tech support: “A power… A power outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”

Woman: “Well, yes. I keep them in the closet.”

Tech support: “Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”

Woman: “Really! Is it that bad?”

Tech support: “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

Woman: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”

Tech support: “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”